Monday, May 24, 2010

Waking Up

Waking up from a coma in real life is nothing like what happens on TV. In the movies, the person's eyes flutter open. They whisper at first, voice a little raspy. Within minutes, they're asking for pizza, crying and kissing people.
Doctors say that the process is much slower, less romantic. Besides, who really wants to kiss someone whose mouth has been closed for months?

In emerging from a coma, there are brief moments of activity. A few reflexive movements, maybe a moan. Once the patient is conscious, confusion and and even agression are considered good signs. The brain is beginning to function again, both physically and emotionally. It takes weeks of therapy for the patient to learn how to walk, talk and feed himself.

And so it is with the end of the school year. Like coming out of a dense fog, fraught with action plans and lesson plans and grading, meetings and exhibitions, moments of immense pride and preternatural anxiety.

The last few weeks of school are cyclonic. So much is going on outside of you, it's hard to know what's going on inside. The world closes in on itself; the last few days are all that matter. It's beautiful and fervent. But the smoke is beginning to clear.

Glimpses of summer flash like a doctor's penlight over closed eyes. There are spontaneous movements: concert tickets purchased, book clubs joined, bikinis brought out...then put back.
Gradually, I'm regaining consciousness. I'm suddenly aware of myself as a person who is not just an overachieving teacher. It's at once confusing and frustrating. How did I get here? What happened to my life?
It's coming. Slowly, surely, I'm waking up.

FH